In a move that can only be described as part of his grand cosmic plan to terraform Earth into a more efficient planet, Elon Musk, alongside his sidekick Vivek Ramaswamy, has taken the helm of the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE). In true Musk fashion, he’s not just tweeting about rockets and electric cars anymore; he’s setting his sights on the federal workforce with a precision that might make even the most advanced AI pause for thought.
The latest from DOGE headquarters, which, for all we know, might just be Musk’s X account, suggests that a significant number of federal employees could be looking for new jobs sooner than they might have planned. Musk and Ramaswamy, in an op-ed that might as well have been written in binary for how logical it seemed to them, proposed ending remote work for government employees, suggesting that showing up in person five days a week would lead to a “wave of voluntary terminations.” The logic? Well, it’s akin to saying if you don’t want to come to the party, you’re not really part of the gang.
Musk, who’s got his fingers in more pies than a pie-eating contest champion, has even taken to publicly naming and shaming those in roles he deems superfluous, like the Director of Climate Diversification. His method? A casual repost on X with the caption “So many fake jobs,” which has led to a storm of online harassment for those mentioned, proving that in the age of social media, a tweet can be mightier than a pink slip.
The federal workforce is on edge, with some employees reportedly considering preemptively updating their LinkedIn profiles or, in a more dramatic fashion, moving to Mars where Musk’s companies might offer safer employment prospects. Critics argue that this strategy might save on office space but could cost the nation in terms of morale and efficiency, not to mention the legality of such moves.
As for the rest of us, we watch on, popcorn in hand, wondering if Musk’s next move will be to automate the entire government with robots or maybe just tweet his way into making the White House a branch of SpaceX. Only time, and perhaps a few more posts on X, will tell.